not enough chalk for the box

i continue to carve out my spot in this sandbox of a perplexing culture. the dilemmas continue to deepen as the decidedly intricate tensions of cultural clashes and language learning bubble to the surface.

today seems like it was a noteworthy day... if i am learning anything during my time here, it is to celebrate the small victories, to bask in the glory of winning small battles after having chosen the right battles to fight.

today... i accepted that i am NEVER going to like getting up at 6am and that i will NEVER be a morning person. and that's okay. i am at peace with this and have stopped pretending i will be productive in the morning.

today... my 9th grade class went exceptionally well. we spent 90 minutes practicing one dialog comprised of "hello, my name is. what's yours...?" and other such introductory phrases. it took all of the first half to practice in pairs, and during the second half, thanks to my pop quiz, i was able to discern that they still do not know these phrases, but more than a handful of the students at least SEEMED interested. hallelujah!

today...i decided i am going to invest in a printer. i spent hours writing said pop quizzes last night by hand (18 of them) because...well it's a long story, but the atms in my town are broken and i cannot get cash to make copies, you get the idea (ya, i've had no cash for days...). i really decided this last night when my hand was about ready to detach from my arm and peace the heck out.

today...i stayed in my classroom beyond the obligatory "no-show 15 minutes" knowing none of my 10th graders would show. but, instead of leaving, i stayed- because i wanted to- to post all of my students' names on my word wall. this, folks, is one giant step forward. last week, i would have (and DID) taken off when no students arrived.

today...i learned that the roma students in my classes have never heard the word gypsy before. i have heard some roma in bulgaria call themselves gypsies so it is remarkable these students have never heard the term. i was asked twice today if there are roma people in the united states and, too, what are they called in english?

today...i started learning цигански, or romani. i am discovering that most of my students speak romani, as most of them are roma, and maybe learning a bit of it will demonstrate that i give a crap. the dialect of the language here seems to incorporate, to varying degrees, the cyrillic alphabet, so i can happily check off 'learn alphabet' on the list of how to learn romani. sweet.

today...i meditated on the process of language learning, thought long and hard about how one must really want to learn a language to actually learn it. sounds simple, right? i thought for eons about how i was able to learn the romani translation of the same dialog i gave my 9th graders in about 15 minutes. now, granted, i had individual attention, wrote it all down, felt comfortable asking them to repeat words and had a good sense of humor and confidence throughout. but, i also wanted to learn it. i am beginning to think the issue at hand is not focusing so much on teaching english, but rather on getting these students to want to learn english. because it could mean a better life for them and a way out of this pretty abysmal place.

imagine living in a place that does not invite you to think outside the box and even encourages you not to. imagine, just for a minute, living in a place you know you'll live in for most, or all of your life...not being able to comprehend the possibility of fabricating an altogether different life. and then imagine trying to find motivation to learn english when your life is entirely consumed and intertwined with these very local mindsets that have already prescribed and outlined your life in this small place. and THEN, imagine trying to motive such people who cannot find motivation on their own. at this point, i will be lucky if they learn a small morsel of the english language. i suspect i will be more successful in getting them to at least acknowledge other ways of thinking.

this is not africa. but the intellectual poverty here is striking. and if for no other reason, this makes me proud to be an american, to have this opportunity, to be able to fathom the significance of this experience. the differences here are palpable, though they take a while to uncover because you cannot see all of them.

anyway,


today...my favorite favorite favorite messenger bag was made fun of by many of students. admittedly, it is large and carries all of my clever goodies and tricks for teaching amidst this insanity. i don't care, they can make fun of my big bag all they want, i love it. i wanted to tell them it is a designer messenger bag from san fransisco that cost me $100, but it seemed superfluous and made me feel like an ass. this culture carries plastic bags.

today...i was reminded that my mother's advice was correct (not that i was ever doubtful). teaching usually does not produce consistent results: one day can be really awful horrible capital miserable while the next can be light, delightful and maybe even a bit productive. thankfully, today was one of those days.

today...and tomorrow and for the rest of the week there is a small carnival set up near the center of my town. i am not even sure why... maybe a beginning of october festival that i am tragically unaware of? i would venture a guess that most of the many many students who weren't in class today were there... and will be for the rest of the week, fancying themselves a trip or two down the big inflatable slide instead of sitting through class...

today...i opened my brand new box of chalk that i bought for myself because the school was conveniently out of it last week when i needed it most. it was supposed to be a box of all white chalk, but the last three pieces in the top row were all different colors. it was as if the factory ran out of white and said, "ah, what the heck... throw a few colored ones in there and no one will know the difference." this, folks, is the best way to describe this country: a place that trys so hard to fill their whole box with white chalk, but upon realizing its shortcomings, stuffs a few alternative, sub par and surprising substitutes in to just be done with it.

yep.

tomorrow's wednesday. and there's a new schedule. again. and i no longer get to sleep in on mondays or thursdays but my classes are spread out to a greater extent which will spare me from long long days.

it's the small victories that count. trust me.