many things are changing rapidly. for as slow as time seems to be passing, there is little stability to grasp onto or rely on. i suppose this is the nature of this experience, but each passing moment weighs on me in a new way and life, frankly, feels really heavy.

i had a heartwarming and simple conversation with a colleague today about the month of january. she shared stories of how this time of the year brings great sadness and uncertainty to her life and she can never concoct a plan to combat it. all i could say back was that january, for me, is the hardest month.

i imagine this particular january is like mile 20-21 of a 26.2 mile marathon. from january's lap, i can see the end of this 27 months but i can't yet grab it. i can sense that it is getting lighter and warmer, yet there are still bitterly cold and dark days.

i look forward to the benefits that so much reorganization in life brings in moments like this, but i've not reached the point where i can actually reap those benefits. all i can do now is put all my faith into the knowledge that life never stays the same and that moments like this lead way to warm, sunny spaces.

i know this time will pass and i know a more positive place awaits me but for now, wading through the muck and the change and the simultaneous monotony of being here is just where i need to be.

soon, i'll post a few pictures of my christmas trip to paris =)