the first year, i lived in a tiny town in rural,southern bulgaria, worked in a school that was nearly 100% roma and lived in microcosm of fear and anxiety which, originated from relentless harassment and culture shock.
the second year, i lived in a large industrial town near the capital, worked in a language profile school and lived in an average, cold, problem-ridden apartment block.
it is no exaggeration to say that i probably would not have made it through a second year in my first site. i've spent this second year trying to explain "why" to people, to colleagues, to other volunteers, to myself. i've spent a good deal of time feeling very angry about what i experienced last year and feeling bitter towards other volunteers who never could grasp what it was like for me.
i can't make the awfulness of last year make sense. only a few volunteers ever saw my site last year. only a few can realistically grasp the magnitude of suck that colored my first year in bulgaria. and only pictures can speak to abysmal physical gaps between where i was last year and where i am now.
i never found the courage to take many pictures of the town i lived in last year. it always felt like i was a spectator in a zoo taking souvenir pictures to send home while the people lived their lives. they were not zoo animals to be gawked at. when i saw a fellow volunteer post pictures of her roma neighborhood this morning, i opted to take them from her blog and post them here to give you an idea of what my old town looked like. click on the link to see her entire entry, it has additional photographs from her site.
here are two images of the world i lived in last year:
and two additional images of the world i live in now:
in my opinion, this is a country divided. this is a country in which huge populations aren't, in fact, living in the european union. they're living in neighborhoods full of trash, with limited electricity, no running water or indoor plumbing. and what i learned last year is that when people live in environments where they are simply struggling to survive, one can't possibly comprehend how learning the english language is a priority.
i am grateful for the chance i was given to have these two experiences. and i am grateful i get to return to my home soon. i am grateful i know that working in such places is not my calling. and i am grateful for the way my old site forced me out of my comfort zone, forced me to think carefully about the idealistic notions of "helping" people and "development" work, forced me to grow up.
3 comments:
This is an interesting piece. Would you mind if I copied some or all of it to my public blog? I wouldn't identify you as the author if you didn't want.
go for it!
i am glad you got the chance to see and experience the first place, despite how agonizingly difficult it was. and i am even gladder (is that a word?) that you were able to do more than merely survive in the second.
and...i think we are so much harder on ourselves than anyone else. you know what your experience has been, you get to make your peace with it, and you own it. nobody else does.
also, my word verification is "fockers." lol.
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