emerging a bit from silence

i am trying to pull myself from this sequestered corner i have been hibernating in, i really am. i am only marginally succeeding.

nearly a month has passed since the dawn of the new semester and the start of a more lenient schedule. february, despite all expectations otherwise, passed by rather quickly. until last week, the weather warmed nicely and tricked me into thinking i could begin my more regimented running routine. on friday, though, it changed its mind and dumped several feet of snow on the ground, knocking out the power and my lifeline (*ahem* internet connection) all together.

a weekend of gallivanting through sofia helped my disposition enormously, as did the starbucks frappacino i consumed in spite of the freezing temperatures and persistent snow fall.


i haven't much interesting to report, so i'll divvy out one good morsel of hope and one crazy story having to do with the mysteries of this school system.

several months ago, a good student of mine flicked his cigarette at me in my classroom after asking him to put it out. the saga did not develop into any major drama and a brief conversation with his mother (not executed by me) did the trick. in the weeks and months since, he has been remarkable as far as students are concerned, respectful and eager to participate and learn; on some days, he is the only student i can persuade in a class of 13 students to do any of the exercises and projects i have planned, while the rest look at me with disdainful looks challenging me to get them to work.

anyway, this student approached me recently and told me to speak to him only in english. his father, he reported, had encouraged him to ask me to speak to him only in english so he could learn as much english as possible during my tenure here.

as i write this, i reflect on how this must play out for all of you reading at home. it seems awfully inconsequential, doesn't it? something that should almost happen automatically with the nature of my job. well, or at least you'd like to think so.

but for me, this was a monumental leap forward with this student, a roma student other teachers constantly lament over. though i am failing in assigning appropriate weight to the whole incident on my blog, i am happy to report, that two weeks later, he is still speaking in english with me.

one facet of this system that continues to baffle me is the absence policy for students. today, i was given a stern talking to because i have been writing absences in the class books everyday. this is nothing if not a point of contention for me every single day (and i suspect it will continue to be). the issue at hand was the amount of work i was creating for this classroom teacher by writing in daily absences. you see, this creates work for her because she then has to justify excusing the absences when we all know the students are in one of the three cafes drinking coffee and skipping class. how many excuses are there for emergency coffee breaks?

the paradox is incomprehensible to me. on the one hand, i am supposed to write absences, as it has been promised to me that consequences will follow. however, on the other hand, it was made clear that absences should not be figured into overall grade calculations; they are simply to be recorded daily and not to be used as ammunition against students come end of the term.

i feel stuck. i want to write absences in hopes they will beget the helplessness i feel with the grading. yet, writing the absences requires someone (if not me, and certainly not the students) to account for them, then i begin contemplating surrender and apathy. the worst part of it all: these daily recordings create work and animosity between two teachers who ultimately have no control over the larger picture and the ensuing absurdity and frustration feels like a waste of energy.

that's where i am at right now. someday i suppose i'll look back on all of this utter ridiculousness and laugh, but right now, i just want to scream.

i hope that as the weather continues to warm, the overall process of being here will alter and i will have more insightful and positive anecdotes to dish out. keep hanging in there with me people. i promise i have more to say than this. i just have to pull it out of me.