blue

a colleague took my face in her hands as i was putting my coat on to leave the teacher's room this morning.

"are you okay?" she asked.

"umm... well..."

"because you've got sadness written across your face," she continued as i tried my hardest to keep from crying.

it took me a few seconds to reply, a few seconds in which i took the requisite time to think through the consequences of being honest. being honest about feeling really heavy and tired and downtrodden... which would mean possibly having to explain why in bulgarian and i'm endlessly fearful "me" doesn't always translate.

"i am sad," i answered honestly, despite being fearful of what she might say to me.

to my delight and surprise, she did not ask me why. i had briefly explained to her last week that people in my life were coming and going quickly and i was having trouble adjusting to it so i suppose she attributed my sadness to that. but she never asked.

she simply smiled into my eyes, hugged me and said everything would be okay.

the interaction has my mind buzzing. why is it so hard for me to just be honest sometimes? why am i ashamed when i am honest and constantly fearful people will not accept me when i'm not my usual happy self? why AM i sad and why does this feel miserable right now?

i am grateful that even when i'm blue and sad, there are people in this town looking out for me. people who, despite my hesitancy to open up, actually see me and get me and notice when i'm not cheery. it reassures me that when i'm feeling most upset at myself for my inability to honestly share "me" sometimes, those around me who are paying attention understand and get "me" anyways.


and today, that's all i needed.